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Bill Maher Quotes about Jesus

All Bill Maher Quotes Abortion Abstinence Age Army Art Atheism Atheist Belief Birth Bullshit Cancer Character Children Chocolate Choices Christ Church Coffee College Comedy Communion Country Culture Debate Democracy Doubt Evil Feelings Fighting Fun Funny Giving Hate Health Care Heaven Hell Home House Human Nature Hurt Internet Jesus quotes Justice Killing Kissing Leaving Lying Magic Mankind Military Moon Office Opportunity Pain Palin Past Police Politics Pope Pot Racism Rage Rain Reading Reality Religion Responsibility Running Sacrifice School Selling Shame Sin Sleep Smoking Sports Stupidity Tea Team Today Violence Virtue Voting Wall War Weed Wife Winning Worry

I don't know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.

I don't know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.

Christian, Jesus, Atheist

If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?

Jesus, Names, Agnostic

There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

Funny, Jesus, Atheist

If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.

Jesus, War, Believe

"HBO Real Time" with Bill Maher, votesmart.org. March 31, 2006.

Jesus, as a philosopher is wonderful. There's no greater role model, in my view, than Jesus Christ. It's just a shame that most of the people who follow him and call themselves Christians act nothing like him.

Christian, Jesus, Views

"Did CBS Censor Bill Maher?". "The O'Reilly Factor" with Bill O'Reilly, www.foxnews.com. September 26, 2006.

It could be anything. It could be Jesus and it could be the Furby and it could be the lint that lives in my navel, but it's probably not. Whatever it is, I doubt we as humans on Earth could have any perception of it while we're here. So, why give yourself a headache thinking about it. Just be a good person. That's what an ethicist is.

Jesus, Thinking, Giving

"Bill Maher Gets Ridiculous with Religulous". Interview with Brian Gallagher, movieweb.com. February 16, 2009.

In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. So, the Archbishop of New York was very upset. He said, 'It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.'

Jesus, Art, Atheist

There's no greater model, in my view, than Jesus Christ.

Jesus, Views, Christ

"Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

You're either a rationalist, or you're not. And the good news is a recent poll found 20% of adults under 30 say they are rationalists, and have figured out that Santa Claus and Jesus are really the same guy. Now, 20% is hardly a majority. But it's a bigger minority than blacks, jews, homosexuals, NRA members, teachers, or seniors... and it's certainly enough to stop being shy about expressing the opinion that we're not the crazy ones!

Senior, Teacher, Jesus

When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That's something I value. Fairness, kindness, generosity, tolerance. That's different. When they [Conservative right wing Republicans] talk about values, they're talking about things like going to church, voting for Bush, being loyal to Jesus, praying. These are not values.

Jesus, Kindness, Thinking

"Real Time with Bill Maher", November 5, 2004.

New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of the American Family Association urged his flock to hand out a Christian-based comic book instead of candy. Excuse me, Halloween isn't a time to push your beliefs. You don't see me handing out pot to kids...Okay, well not the little kids.

Christian, Jesus, Halloween

Bill Maher (2011). “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass”, p.95, Penguin

It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.

Jesus, Excuse, Communion

Jesus is not a candle. A company in South Dakota is selling candles with the scent of Jesus. You light one and your friends says, Christ, what's that smell?

Jesus, Light, Smell

Bill Maher (2005). “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer”, p.185, Rodale

If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You're not a Christian.

Christian, Jesus, Religion

I love Jesus. I just don't like the Christians who don't believe in what he says.

Christian, Jesus, Believe

"Real Time With Bill Maher", October 7, 2005.

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