Billy Crystal Quotes

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Change is such hard work.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.

In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.

To be good, you need to believe in what you're doing.

What's so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you're constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.

Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.

I'm going to go on just living and laughing and loving.

It is better to look good than to feel good.

Consider the rose...The rose is the sweetest smelling flower of all, and it's the most beautiful because it's the most simple, right? But sometimes, you got to clip the rose. You got to cut the rose back, so something sweeter smelling and stronger, and even more beautiful, will grow in its place

It's money. I remember it from when I was single

For almost 40 years, he was the brightest star in the comedy galaxy... Their beautiful light will continue to shine on us forever. And the glow will be so bright, it'll warm your heart, it'll make your eyes glisten, and it'll make you think to yourselves: Robin Williams, what a concept.

I don't like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.

You give up your dream, you give up.

I've always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That's why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it's how we connect, it reminds us we're alive, it's the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.

Did you ever reach a point in your life, where you say to yourself, 'This is the best I'm ever going to look, the best I'm ever going to feel, the best I'm ever going to do,' and it ain't that great?

Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck's puff pastries.

Gentlemen, start your egos!

I didn't rebel as a child. I missed that angry teenager thing.

You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it's really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it's great.

When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.

Great news! Hosting Oscars counts five hours toward my community service!

If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it, you write about it.