Buddy Hackett Quotes

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

Ninety-nine percent is in the delivery. If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on the punch line, you can say anything and make people laugh maybe three times before they realize you're not telling jokes.

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison; and other people just hate him regular.

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

At the Sahara, the seats are banked and most of the audience is looking down at the stage. Everybody in the business knows: Up for singers, down for comics. The people want to idealize a singer. They want to feel superior to a comic. You're trying to make them laugh. They can't laugh at someone they're looking up to.

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

The menu of my mother consisted of only two choices: Leave it or take it

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

You want to know what makes me tick, I'll tell you what makes me tick. I was a boy growing up in Brooklyn; I read a two-penny magazine called 'The Hawk's Nest.' Nobody entered that nest that didn't leave a little richer and a little wiser. And that 11-year-old boy said, 'Isn't that a wonderful thing.' And that's all there is to it.

A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

If it's dirty, it's not funny, but if it's funny, it's not dirty.

Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of gold, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.

What makes a comedian has nothing to do with religion. Think of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, who were all Catholics.

Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show.

Why should I be angry at someone when they are out dancing?