Christopher Moore Quotes - Page 6

Sweetheart, wake up; you've destroyed the house and I need you to suffer for it.

The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear.

One can't be free without action.

Enchantment and seduction were fine means of persuasion, but when time is short, an awkward but quick concussion could better serve a girl's purpose.

In business, as in politics, the public is ever so tolerant of those who slime.

This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?

...she is too beautiful, I think, to not be inherently evil.

If there was anything I learned from John the Baptist, it was that the sooner you confess a mistake, the quicker you can get on to making new and better mistakes.

This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.

She laughed. My favorite music.

Anger is the spirits telling you that you are alive.

It's Christmas! Ah, Christmas, the time when all good people go about not decapitating each other.

Diogenes carried a bowl with him for years, but one day saw a man drinking from his cupped palm and declared, ‘I have been a fool, burdened all these years by the weight of a bowl when a perfectly good vessel lay at the end of my wrist.

...One time you take a hundred thousand dollars and let a vampire go, the whole world turns on you like you're some kind of bad guy.

It’s like he has this power over me—like I have an eating disorder and he’s a package of Oreo Double Stuff cookies.

We Ask the Gods for Answers and They Give Us Questions

It was an eight-harlot inn, if that's how you measure an inn. (I understand that now they measure inns in stars. We are in a four-star inn right now. I don't know what the conversion from harlots to stars is.)

So hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, a falafel,or get married or something?

She's so obnoxious. Like a whole Saturday night drunk tank full of obnoxious packed into one little body." Detective Cavuto

How could you deal with a creature as devious as woman.

Tommy had felt alone in a crowd before, even inferior to everyone in a crowd, but now he felt, well, different. It wasn't just the clothes and the make up, it was the humanity. He wasn't part of it. Heightened senses or not, he felt like he had his nose pressed against the window, looking in. The problem was, it was the window of a donut shop.

Cofishes-other fish in a group, coworkers, cohorts, etc. Shut up, it's a word.

I fink I gots deaf on me willie.

Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs?" -Tommy

Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!