A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.
My dad was one of those dads that would make me stop crying by threatening to beat me.
I also had a stuttering problem. In a Mexican home they don't give you speech therapy; they don't even know what speech therapy is. They just get the belt. If there's a parrot in the house, you better talk better than the parrot.
I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.
Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food.
I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.
I was born in Sinaloa, Mexico, along with two of my siblings. The rest were born here in the United States. I didn't know we were illegal until I was in the 8th grade. We would call other kids wetbacks, but we were the real wetbacks!
I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.
While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.
You know you're getting older when your haters now want to kill you.
Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.
You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.
According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!
I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.
Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.
