Victor Borge Quotes

A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.

I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.

The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.

Occasionally, a finger comes up to wipe a tear [of laughter] from the eye... and that's my reward... the rest goes to the government.

In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.

What is the difference between a Nazi and a dog?The Nazi lifts his arm.

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice.

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.

The first piano was built long after they didn't have any at all.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.