Greg Behrendt Quotes - Page 5

Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica?

Send her a quick note while you`re stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster.

I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.

Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself

I get giddy with the idea of stringing words together that make people laugh.

Turning a breakup into a break-over ... We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself.

I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.

Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.

It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.

For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.

Good enough to tweet, not to say.

Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh.

People don't admire you for what you hate, they admire you for what you do about it, and your slacks.

I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.

I'm just not interested in daytime television, which is something you should remember the next time somebody offers you a daytime talk show.

I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.

If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.

...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.

Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.

If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.

Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.

A man would rather be trampled by elephants on fire than tell you he's just not that into you.

Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)

How many presidents, do you think, ever said to another guy: 'I can't believe we're doing this in the White House'?

The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!