Greg Behrendt Quotes - Page 6

She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.

Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.

Life's biggest rewards come from the biggest challenges

Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.

Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.

Always be classy. Never be crazy.

I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.

I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.

I don't have to edit myself. I get to be me, warts and all, and that's ultimately what people want, and to trust each other implicitly.

Uncool is a cool resting place. The pressure's off me.

So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.

My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product; it's not so much about the theme of the show.

My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.

You are not easily forgotten.

My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.

It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.

Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.

Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.

I like the idea that when a guy comes over to the house, I get to say I wrote the book.

It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that have to announce that I ate kale and liked it.

The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.

I'm certain prison is pretty rough as it is but imagine if you were a murderer and a foodie!