Today Carly Fiorina announced that she is running for president. Someone else bought 'CarlyFiorina.org' and posted 30,000 sad emoticons to represent all the people she laid off at Hewlett-Packard. I haven't seen that many sad, blank faces in one place since the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.
Bernie Sanders' presidential campaign announced that it raised over $1.5 million in the 24 hours after he announced his bid. Meanwhile, a 12-year-old on Kickstarter just raised $7 million in five minutes after announcing his idea for juice box water guns.
A tell-all book by David Axelrod, one of President Obama's former strategists, reveals that Obama chose Joe Biden as his VP because of his energy and enthusiasm. You know, the qualities you look for in someone whose main job is traveling to state funerals.
Former New York Governor George Pataki may enter the race for president. It's not definite, but he tweeted that he'll announce his 2016 plans on May 28 in New Hampshire. Well, what's he gonna do, go to New Hampshire to say he's NOT running? That's like getting down on one knee and saying, 'I think it's time to see other people.'
Some areas near Dallas experienced a 3.5-magnitude earthquake, which some blame on fracking. However, scientists say that it was more likely aftershocks from Chris Christie celebrating at the Cowboys game.
The film 'Boyhood' won the Golden Globe for best drama. It follows one guy's journey over the course of 12 years - or as Mitt Romney calls that, 'running for president.'
Hillary Clinton's younger brother Tony is facing criticism for using the Clintons' political connections to help his career. So on the down side, she has a sketchy brother named Tony. On the up side, she just locked up every vote in New Jersey.
The White House encouraged Tom Brady to be more of a role model. They would've said more, but there was a drunken Secret Service agent streaking across the Rose Garden.
Senate Democrats blocked President Obama's trade bill yesterday because they're worried it could hurt jobs. It's not an issue for Republicans, since they've all found work as presidential candidates.
If you're going to do a Chris Christie joke, just say, 'Christie spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Then he turned to his friends and said, 'You guys want anything?'' That's a joke. I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful.
People are being really picky about the upcoming election. I read that Americans do not want the next president to be a first-term senator, be over 65, or have a former president in the family. Then the Secret Service said, 'Hey, whoever slips through slips through. No promises.'
President Obama unveiled a $4 trillion budget for 2016 that would increase taxes on the wealthy and spend more money on education. He also made a snowball and put it in the oven, just to see which would last longer, his budget or the snowball.
Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, 'But just for Lent. We'll start again on Monday.'
Disney World is celebrating its 40th birthday! You can tell the characters are getting old. In addition to Snow White's seven dwarfs, she now has 25 cats.
The big news is the midterm elections. Last night Republicans picked up a dozen seats in the House to give them their biggest majority since World War II. Or as they put it, 'Time to party like it's 1939!'
Republicans also took control of the Senate after gaining another seven seats. I haven't seen the GOP get this many seats since Chris Christie made an airline reservation.
Republican Scott Brown lost his bid for Senate in New Hampshire last night, two years after he was voted out as Senator in Massachusetts. When asked what he was planning to do next, he said, 'Are they still looking for a mayor in Toronto?'
Yesterday in Florida, President Obama kissed a woman on the cheek after she told him he looks good. Which explains why last night, Michelle made him sleep on Air Mattress One.
The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.
Department store Santas are apparently being trained to lower children's expectations about toys because of the recession. Yeah, it's weird when you ask Santa for a train set and he's like, 'Yeah, how 'bout a bus token?
A new study found that a mother's diet affects her baby's allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats.
Politicians are really getting desperate. In fact, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid sent out a final fundraising email to Democrats with the subject line, 'I'm begging.' Because what better way to show you're a strong leader than acting like you're drunk and dialing your ex?
When NBC told me I got the job, I asked, 'Can we do it from New York?' There was just silence on the phone
No-one gets beaten to death quite like Hilary Swank
L.A., its nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I think of nighttime, I think of Times Square and Broadway and nightlife and the city that never sleeps.
