You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.
I was loved as a kid; I was raised with more love and emotional support than most folks could wish for my memories aged nought to ten are all bound up together in a mesh of innocence and fun.
I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.
My agent once said, 'You're not very driven.' And it's true. I'm not the type to ring up and go, 'Get me this part!'
Class still matters in Britain today.
I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them.
My first holiday to San Francisco in 1998-99 was supposed to be a two-week vacation but I ended up staying five weeks and nearly didn't come home.
The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year.
Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane.
I avoid any kind of organised trips as that's one of my bugbears.
Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up.
There is something more spiritual to us than what we are on this earth, but how you access it I'm not sure.
Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!
I sang 'American Pie' a lot in my stage set. It had a knack of uniting an audience in a sing-along. It's a clever song about American history but wrapped in a fantastic tune.
I struggle as a writer, and I'm convinced that if I was at school now, I'd be termed as having ADS. Two minutes and I'm drifting.
There have been times I've finished a big job and thought, 'Great, a couple of weeks off.' But then a couple of weeks turns to three weeks and then after a month you're staring at the phone willing it to ring.
I think I'm realising more and more that I've got a job to do and I can't be doing the big nights out and working to my full potential the next day. I feel much better for it.
I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.
You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.
Writing a book about yourself is like therapy, and you go 'Oh My God, that's the reason that happened.' Writing about it, you're forced to really examine things.
There's a domino effect with certain things you say.
Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.
My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.
I hate flying, airports and the whole rigmarole - queuing up, security and lost luggage.
For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason.
