Witty Quotes

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

There are no facts, only interpretations.

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Let us never forget that government is ourselves and not an alien power over us. The ultimate rulers of our democracy are not a President and Senators and Congressmen and Government officials but the voters of this country.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.'