Kinky Friedman Quotes

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

You don't accomplish much by swimming with the mainstream. Hell, a dead fish can do that.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

If you're paranoid long enough, sooner or later you're gonna be right.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama.

Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.

But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979

If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm.

Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but...

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.

The distance between the limousine and the gutter is a short one.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.