Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.
Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?
I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.
Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.
He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.
This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.
Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.
A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.
1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.
The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'
If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.
Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.
The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.
Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.
You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.
At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.
One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!
I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.
I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!
Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?
As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.
I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.
I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually.
Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.
