Lewis Grizzard Quotes - Page 2

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

Spring time is the land awakening.

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.

If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About a Quart Low.

Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life's work.

When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?

Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good for myself.

On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.

They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.

If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

Let's all start walking more and driving less.