What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you
I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.
When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.
I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...
When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.
The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.
I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.
Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.’
One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.
You know what, it's not your life, it's life. Life is bigger than you, if you can imagine that. Life isn't something that you possess, it's something that you take part in and witness.
Everything is amazing and nobody is happy
If you think everything you've done is great, you're probably dumb.
If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you
If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.
There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.
I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.
Friends should always tell you the truth. But please don’t.
It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.
Black people have slavery. And white people have our own thing-stuff we went though that hurt us that we have to cope with. Like when they took our slaves away. That was really hard for us. So it's pretty even.
Bill Gates has 90 billion dollars ... If I had 90 billion dollars, I wouldn't have it for long because I would just dream of all the crazy stuff I could do with it. This guy, 90 billion dollars. He could buy every baseball team and make them all wear dresses and still have 88 billion dollars.
I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.
I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at.
I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.
If you're older, you're smarter. I just believe that. If you're in an argument with someone older than you, you should listen to 'em ... even if they're wrong, their wrongness is rooted in more information than you have.
