Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing.
What others do may be the stimulus of our feelings, but never the cause.
When we listen for feelings and needs - we can see that people who seem like monsters are simply human beings whose language and behavior sometimes keep us from seeing their humanness.
NVC enhances inner communication by helping us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs. Our ability to distinguish our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.
When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.
Keep in mind that other people's actions can never 'make' you feel any certain way. Feelings are your warning indicators.
When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters.
To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.
As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he's the cause of his pain.
When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.
Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind it.
In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests.
Never connect yourself with the other person's pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person's feelings and needs.
Have you ever been surfing? Imagine you're on your surfboard now, waiting for the big one to come. Get ready to get carried with that energy. Now, here it comes. That's empathy. No words - just being with that energy. When I connect with what's alive in another person, I have feelings similar to when I'm surfing.
