People heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with another human being.
All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.
Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.
I wouldn't expect someone who's been injured to hear my side until they felt that I had fully understood the depth of their pain.
Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear their analysis.
Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy.
Never question the beauty of what you are saying because someone reacts with pain, judgment, criticism. It just means they have not heard you.
We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, "'What will they think of me?' must be put aside for bliss." We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.
When you ride the wave, the thrill is so exhilarating that you forget everything else. You live in the moment where nothing else matters, so intent on riding the wave perfectly that you and the wave become one. Pain and worry disappear, replaced by euphoria, akin to flow. Similarly, when giving empathy, you want to strive for this kind of total presence for the person you are listening to.
While we may not consider the way we talk to be 'violent,' our words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or for ourselves.
As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he's the cause of his pain.
Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically.
Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he'll jump in.
People do not hear our pain when they believe they are at fault.
Empathy gives you the ability to enjoy another person's pain.
Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful - but it's a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation.
Never connect yourself with the other person's pain. Just hear their need. Leave yourself out of the other person's feelings and needs.
If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and needing.
