Robin Williams Quotes about Funny - Page 2

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!

Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Reality: What a concept!

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

We were talking briefly about cocaine... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?

I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.

Shakespeare said, "Kill all the lawyers." There were no agents then.

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.