Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.
Don't drive as if you own the road; drive as if you own the car.
If you lend someone 20 dollars and never see that person again, it's probably worth it.
Parents who wonder where the younger generation is going should remember where it came from.
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
The brain is like a TV set; when it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
Nobody's too fat - they're just too short.
Some people are much like blisters-they don't show up until the work is done.
"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your feet aren't empty," said the doctor.
Youth is when you think you'll live forever. Old age is when you wonder how you've lived so long.
A neighbor will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn't have time to come in.
If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light.
Half of all home accidents happen in the kitchen, and the family has to eat them.
When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.
The reason that so many of us cannot save money is because of our friends. They're always buying something we can't afford.
When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.
Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.
The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.
Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.
Highways are full of careless drivers who are always too close in front of you.
Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.
