Stephen Leacock Quotes

It may be those who do most, dream most.

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

There is an old motto that runs, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." This is nonsense. It ought to read, "If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once."

How strange it is, our little procession of life! The child says, "When I am a big boy." But what is that? The big boy says, "When I grow up." And then, grown up, he says, "When I get married." But to be married, what is that after all? The thought changes to "When I'm able to retire." And then, when retirement comes, he looks back over the landscape traversed; a cold wind seems to sweep over it; somehow he has missed it all, and it is gone.

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

About the only good thing you can say about old age is, it's better than being dead!

Writing is not hard. Just get paper and pencil, sit down, and write as it occurs to you. The writing is easy-it's the occurring that's hard.

Most people can tire of a lecture in fifteen minutes, clever people can do it in five, and sensible people don't go to lectures at all.

If I were founding a university I would begin with a smoking room; next a dormitory; and then a decent reading room and a library. After that, if I still had more money that I couldn't use, I would hire a professor and get some text books.

The minute a man is convinced he is interesting, he isn't.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

American politicians do anything for money... English politicians take the money and won't do anything.

Hockey captures the essence of Canadian experience in the New World. In a land so inescapably and inhospitably cold, hockey is the chance of life, and an affirmation that despite the deathly chill of winter we are alive.

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

He flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions.

My parents migrated to Canada in 1876, and I decided to go with them.

The Lord said 'let there be wheat' and Saskatchewan was born

Being a specialist is one thing, getting a job is another.

You know, many a man realizes late in life that if when he was a boy he had known what he knows now, instead of being what he is he might be what he won't; but how few boys stop to think that if they knew what they don't know instead of being what they will be, they wouldn't be?

In earlier times they had no statistics and so they had to fall back on lies. Hence the huge exaggerations of primitive literature, giants, miracles, wonders! It's the size that counts. They did it with lies and we do it with statistics: but it's all the same.

It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.