My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.
There's no such thing as 'too late!' That's why they invented death!
Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.
I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.
I could play a cop, I could play a crook, I could play a lawyer, I could play a dentist, I could play an art critic-I could play the guy next door. I am the guy next door. I could play Catholic, Jewish, Protestant. As a matter of fact, when I did The Odd Couple, I would do it a different way each night. On Monday I'd be Jewish, Tuesday Italian, Wednesday Irish-German-and I would mix them up. I did that to amuse myself, and it always worked.
To be successful in show business, all you need are 50 good breaks.
Get out of show business. Its the best advice I ever got, because Im so stubborn that if someone would tell me that, I would stay in it to the bitter end.
I always had one ear offstage, listening for the call from the bookie.
Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that.
My mother paid eight dollars a month for rent. When she had it. Mostly we were evicted, because she couldnt afford to pay the eight dollars a month.
I never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but if she'd lived, I think she would have been all right. She would have been President of the United States.
I wanted to be a pharmacist. I liked the way our local pharmacist was always dressed in a nice white coat; he looked very calm, you'd give him money, and he'd give you something that you wanted to buy.
It's very easy to live here. You're anonymous here. Nobody knows who you are.
You see, my father was a Catholic priest, Greek Orthodox, but I think he started out as a Jew, then he became a Catholic priest.
We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?
The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty.
