Mama stroked his dinger, Daddy got stinky finger.
The master says it’s a glorious thing to die for the Faith and Dad says it’s a glorious thing to die for Ireland and I wonder if there’s anyone in the world who would like us to live.
If I ever have a son, I would call him Frankie, and it's a family name - it's my dad and my dad's dad, so you know, it sticks. I won't forget it.
Most parents have college funds and things. I don't. I call myself the "hood daddy." I got their money in cash, stashed up. I don't have plans for my kids. I just want them to be happy.
I love my dad. He used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico. So it was cool growing up with him, because when he hit us, he didn't really hit us.
I'll tell you something: my dad was a nuclear engineer and he was really bright, and I've always said that because of negotiating at such a young age with my dad, it was really such a gift because I could then negotiate with very difficult personalities - and not end up being the scapegoat. I learned to really pick and choose my battles.
My dad was an Arsenal supporter and he used to take me there, but I've always been Chelsea.
I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!!
I want any excuse to come home. My dad is not a spring chicken any more. If anyone says, 'Go buy a postage stamp in London,' I'll go and do it.
My dad always told me that perseverance furthers. He was right.
Dad, I'm in some trouble. There's been an accident and you're going to hear all sorts of things about me from now on. Terrible things.
My dad said: Now Teddy, you have to make up your mind whether you want to have a constructive and positive attitude and influence on your time. And if you're not interested in a purposeful, useful, constructive life, I just want you to know I have other children that are out there that intend to have a purposeful and constructive life. And so you have to make up your mind about which direction you're going to go. I remember getting - climbing into bed and staring at the ceiling for a good time, but the night hadn't been over when it was very clear to me what kind of life I wanted to lead.
No matter how good you are, at some point your kids are gonna have to create their own independence and think that Mom and Dad aren't cool, just to establish themselves. That's what adolescence is about. They're gonna go through that no matter what.
When I'm smiling and having fun, that's when you should have a problem. If I'm out there frowning and looking mean, that's when you know you've beat me - because I'm not having fun. I've been playing basketball since I was three. Everybody since I was three tried to tell me to stop smiling. Even my dad. My dad apologized to me when I was ten.
I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but 'American Dad' is one of my favourite shows. It gets very dark in places but the jokes are there.
People always want to ask me about my dad. Which I get because he's a phenomenal actor, and that's for the world, that's out there. But my mother is every bit as impressive and as important for the world as my dad is. It's just that she's not an actor.
Daddy worked for God, but asked for no pay. For he believed that God provides a way.
Dad says that everyone invented baklava.” It occurs to me now to wonder what that means. Aunt Aya rolls her eyes. “Your father? He is the worst of the worst. He thinks he cooks and eats Arabic food but these walnuts were not grown from Jordanian earth and this butter was not made from Jordanian lambs. He is eating the shadow of a memory. He cooks to remember but the more he eats, the more he forgets.
I did rebel. I was the rebel in my family, because my dad wanted me to go and just travel with him.
I asked my mother I said, "You divorced my dad, how did you decide? She said, "I decided twelve years before he knew it." I was like wow; I'm learning something new every day.
I made a picture called Super Mario Bros., and my six-year-old son at the time - he's now 18 - he said, 'Dad I think you're probably a pretty good actor, but why did you play that terrible guy King Koopa in Super Mario Bros?' And I said, 'Well Henry, I did that so you could have shoes,' and he said, 'Dad, I don't need shoes that badly.'
I've become a less brave traveller since I became a dad, but in the past I was more foolhardy than brave.
We had an episode where Bud asks his dad, I was named after the beer, right, Dad? And Ed ONeill, who played my dad, says, Uh. . . . Right, son! My theory is that Bud Bundy was named after marijuana.
I liked making people laugh, and I decided I was an atheist early on. My Dad was all right with that. We argued about it all the time, but it was good-natured. He was the most open-minded human being I've ever known.
Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.
