Eoin Colfer Quotes

I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers

The thing about reading is that if you are hooked, you're not going to stop just because one series is over; you're going to go and find something else.

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.

Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese.

'Insanity... I like it."

A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter—they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught.

There is no such thing as a happy ending. Every culture has a maxim that makes this point, while nowhere in the Universe is there a single gravestone that reads 'He Loved Everything About His Life, Especially the Dying Bit at the End'.

Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, OCD. I've got them all, but most of all, I'm crazy about you.

I often meet frustrated young writers who say they've only got so far and just can't finish a book. Even if you don't happen to use what you've worked on that day, it has taught you something and you'll be amazed when you might come back to it and use it again.

Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss.

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

Don't hate me forever, Arty," whispered Holly. "I couldn't bear that.

Trust me. I'm a genius.

Nobody's death is impending." ..."Well technically everyone's death is impending.

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.

And I will not be beaten by that jackass." "Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?