Golf Quotes - Page 55

Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain't no game.

I was shooting in the low 70s and 60s by the time I was twelve. That's the great thing about golf. It doesn't matter how old or young you are; if you're 90 and can shoot a good score, people will want to play with you.

I like golf, hiking, camping, boating and fishing.

Not even Barbra Streisand celebrates herself as tirelessly as golf celebrates itself.

It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification.

Here's a simple way to abolish golf's elitist and exclusionary image and make it a truly all-American sport: ditch that fifties-Republican-martini-drinker's green Brooks Brothers-style sport jacket and make the winner of the Masters slip on something in, say, black leather with plenty of metal studs.

The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.

I don't think I'll live long enough to shoot my age. I'm lucky to shoot my weight.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

I was asked by a golfer how to lower his scores. I replied start playing 9 holes instead of 18. I worked for me, it cut my scores in half.

Golf is like smoking, I have been trying to quit for years.

Never take a mulligan on a par 3. A "hole in three" is not a fun story to relive.

That divot is so deep, I will need a sod cutter to fix it.

The golf swing is among the most stressful and unnatural acts in sports, short of cheering for the Yankees.

Addressing a golf ball would seem to be a simple matter; that is, to the uninitiated who cannot appreciate that a golf ball can hold more terrors than a spacious auditorium packed with people.

Too much ambition is a bad thing to have in a bunker.

Bad putting is due more to the effect the green has upon the player than it has upon the action of the ball.

The average player would rather play than watch. Those who don't play can't possibly appreciate the subtleties of the game. Trying to get their attention with golf is like selling Shakespeare in the neighbourhood saloon.

It's not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course - you just follow the wounded.

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.

US President Gerald Ford's golf was so bad we thought he was a 'Hitman for the PGA!

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

You figure they cheat at the ballpark, they'll cheat on the golf course, they'll cheat in business, and anything else in life. Players may laugh about it and say it's funny, but right down in their heart, they don't think it's funny at all, and they have no respect for a person who cheats.