Bob Hope Quotes

I was there. I saw your sons and your husbands, your brothers and your sweethearts. I saw how they worked, played, fought, and lived. I saw some of them die. I saw more courage, more good humor in the face of discomfort, more love in an era of hate and more devotion to duty than could exist under tyranny.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They're still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

With today's movies, if we took out all the bad language, we'd go back to silent films.

I don't know what people have against government; they haven't done anything.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don't they just print our money with a return address on it?

Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.