I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about football thinking all offensive linemen are the same.
Hitler really wasn't so bad. In the black way.
Of all the ways people save time, I think racism is the worst.
It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.
You can't expect everyone to laugh or applaud you for doing edgy things. Sometimes you'll miss. But I think comedians are artists and there's a value in failure. It kind of works both ways between comedians and audiences. The audience has to understand that comedians are going to sometimes tell a joke that doesn't work out with dark subjects, and the comedian has to understand that sometimes they 'll fail and it's not the audience's fault for not getting it or loving it.
Watching soccer just makes me wish I was watching Foosball.
Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.
I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.
My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.
Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.
Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.
It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.
I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration.
The world is full of horrible things.
I'm too cynical to be an optimist.
I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.
With comics, you always talk about a big break, but there are a lot of big breaks in your life and not one of them makes a big difference.
I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.
An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.
Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.
My favorite part of going to a wedding is ruining the wedding.
My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.
If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke.
The driving force behind doing everything that I've been doing as a stand-up is having problems with authority and not liking to be told what to do.
I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.
