Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.
Be available for life to happen.
The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself.
Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.
Disneyland. The world's biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. When it's my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.
Don't think about your errors or failures; otherwise, you'll never do a thing.
You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.
We're Americans! Do you know what that means? It means our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world.
Grab this day by the neck and kiss it.
The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.
Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses
The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything.
I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I have hundreds of people waiting in line to abuse me!
Life is a game, and it's much more fun if you play it as your own game, so stay light and loose and relaxed.
Every moment that you share someone else's pain, feel what they feel, makes you more human.
You can handle just about anything that comes at you out on the road with a believable grin, common sense and whiskey.
I don't really read the reviews, but I remember one a long time ago I read that said that I had a face like a potato.
If you have someone that you think is The One, don't just sort of think in your ordinary mind, 'Okay, let's pick a date. Let's plan this and make a party and get married.' Take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world, and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And if when you come back to JFK, when you land in JFK, and you're still in love with that person, get married at the airport.
Melancholy is kind of sweet sometimes, I think. It's not a negative thing. It's not a mean thing. It's just something that happens in life, like autumn.
