A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.
I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.
Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness.
Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.
Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.
Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.
When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.
Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a good time.
Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.
The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.
Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
