I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.
Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick up a book.
If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
I have emotional needs that I didn't know I had, and I have physical needs that I didn't know weren't really needs.
The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.
I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again.
Fear can be a great motivator, just not during foreplay.
The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.
The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.
False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?
Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.
Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one.
Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.
