Dov Davidoff Quotes - Page 3

I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.

My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.

Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To me, it makes my night more interesting.

Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That's where you find your voice.

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.

Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.

Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic.

Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.

When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.

Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.

Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.

If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.

I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.

The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial.

You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.