Fran Lebowitz Quotes - Page 9

When I saw a phone on a plane for the first time, I panicked ... I thought people were going to call me.

I never wanted to have any extra money, if it meant having to have any extra work.

Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.

Food is definitely important part of your balanced diet.

How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.

Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough.

The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.

Civilised adults do not take apple juice with dinner.

for someone such as myself, who is kind of feckless and immature, it's better to have rich friends than to be rich yourself, because then you have wealth without the responsibility. You get to go to their houses, and you get acquainted with a level of furniture that you cannot provide for yourself. Furniture, I think is the most important attribute of rich people.

I hate writing. I will do anything to avoid it. The only way I could write less was if I was dead.

If food did not exist it would be well-nigh impossible to get certain types off the phone, as one would be unable to say, 'Look, I've got to run but let's have dinner sometime soon.'

Never judge a cover by its book.

I hate all jobs. I've never had a job I liked.

The French probably invented the very notion of discretion. It's not that they feel that what you don't know won't hurt you; they feel that what you don't know won't hurt them. To the French lying is simply talking.

Things that people will say to me, mostly, is that you shouldn't have all these books. It's too expensive.

Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people.

Life was certainly more entertaining when people were indulging their vices as opposed to going to meetings to indulge in a new vice: discussing their innermost thoughts in public.

There are certain relationships I think I'm great at: I'm the world's greatest daughter. I'm a great relative. I believe I'm a great friend.

I woke up at five o'clock in the morning with the whole first paragraph in my head. Now, this just shows what a slothful person I am: I tried to go back to sleep.

Andy Warhol made fame more famous.

Communism requires of its adherents that they arise early and participate in a strenuous round of calisthenics. To someone who wishes that cigarettes came already lit the thought of such exertion at an hour when decent people are just nodding off is thoroughly abhorrent.

I just can't smile at people for money.

I had to go on TV with the president of the Catholic League, which is not an official organization at all, just a lot of Catholics, or maybe it's just this guy. He demanded to de-fund art completely and argued that taxpayers should not pay for it. I said people who represent the Catholic Church shouldn't talk about taxes.

Local television shows do not, in general, supply make-up artists. The exception to this is Los Angeles, an unusually generous city in this regard, since they also provide this service for radio appearances.

I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response.