Fran Lebowitz Quotes - Page 6

I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.

those who use the word 'lifestyle' are rarely in possession of either.

I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.

There are too many books. The books are terrible. And this is because you have been taught to have self-esteem.

The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive - you are leaking.

What's so great thing about clothes is that they're artificial - you can lie, you can choose the way you look, which is not true of natural beauty. So if you're naturally beautiful, wear what you want, but that's 01% of people. Most people just aren't good looking enough to wear what they have on. They should change. They should get some slacks and a nice overcoat. Remember when the style was incredibly messy hair? That's great if you're a model. But if you're not a model, you would look better if you washed your hair, because you are not beautiful.

When someone asks, 'Why do you think he's not calling me?' there's always one answer - 'He's not interested.' There's not ever any other answer.

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

Rome is a very loony city in every respect. One needs but spend an hour or two there to realize that Fellini makes documentaries.

I'm a horrible girlfriend. I always was. I'm great at the beginning, because I can be very romantic.

Japanese food is very pretty and undoubtedly a suitable cuisine in Japan, which is largely populated by people of below average size. Hostesses hell-bent on serving such food to occidentals would be well advised to supplement it with something more substantial and to keep in mind that almost everybody likes french fries.

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use.

It's very disheartening to encounter a fearful twenty-one year old. They haven't earned the right to be that afraid. It's not like we're living in war-torn Bosnia or something.

American women think that clothes fit them if they can fit into them. But that's not at all what fit means.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

The truth is that most families have no smart ones and no pretty ones. Most families are a bunch of unattractive dopes. And it turns out that the Bush family, like most families, has no smart ones. I was not surprised to see this.

I hate, simply, to work. I just hate to work, period. I am profoundly slothful. Practically inert.

What's the point of being young if you're not going to make new things, I wonder?

Why not have your first baby at sixty, when your husband is already dead and your career is over? Then you can really devote yourself to it.

Take away a man's actual sense of manhood - which is conventionally based on the ability to work, to earn money, to be self-sufficient, to provide for children - and you've got to give them something else. And they did.

If I lived in another country, like a country that was, say, an enemy of the United States, I would be more amused than I am.

I, unfortunately, take the subway a lot. It's not my preference, but it is my lot in life.

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.

When I'm supposed to be writing I clean my apartment, take my clothes to the laundry, get organized, make lists, do the dishes. I would never do a dish unless I had to write.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.