Authors:

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

Jack Benny Quotes about Funny

All Jack Benny Quotes Funny quotes Giving

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Love, Funny, Relationship

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Funny, Success, Crazy

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Funny, Happy Birthday, Elderly

New York Times, 1974.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Funny, Laughter, Children

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

Funny, Humorous, Night

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

Funny, Men, Quitting

As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number.

Funny, Class, California

You May Also Like: