Jimmy Fallon Quotes - Page 2

Whenever I'm stuck in traffic, I can't help but wonder, 'Where did the creator of The Jetsons go, and why hasn't he done something about this?'

I never sing in the shower. It's very dangerous.

A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In a related story, guys with an accordion will die alone.

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.

I didn't invent the rainy day. I just own the best umbrella.

A new study found that students who are taught abstinence end up with better math scores. Of course, if you join the math team, the abstinence takes care of itself.

I can't believe there are so many people who aren't us.

Joe Biden went to Brazil in an effort to try and repair America's relationship with their government. Biden said, 'It's great to be here in the Amazon. I've always wanted to see where all the books come from.'

Listening is more important than talking.

I didn't act like I was there. I just got into the story.

A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you.

A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.

A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads "Convicted Shoplifter." However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading "I'd Rather Be Stealing!.

Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.

Today President Obama gave a major speech where he defended his handling of the economy. And there were tons of people in the audience, you know, since nobody had to be at work.

When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.

I like living with myself. I mean obviously, because here I am interviewing myself.

There's a new Facebook app that will post a final status update for you after you die. That's ridiculous. I don't need someone to change my status when I die. I need them to water my Farmville crops.

Hurricane Irene ... the storm was huge news. In fact, the Weather Channel reported something they haven't seen in years. Viewers.

In Pakistan anti-American protesters set a Kentucky Fried chicken restaurant on fire. The protesters mistakenly thought they were attacking high-ranking U.S. military official Colonel Sanders.

Sometimes in a movie, the lines are so perfect.

In a new interview, the president discussed the upcoming election. He said that Hillary Clinton is going to do great as a presidential candidate. When asked how Biden would do, Obama said, 'Hillary's going to do great.'

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

There are reports that Russia is actually working with North Korea to encourage “collaboration and cooperation” between the two countries. Yeah, they believe that with Russia's economic power and North Korea's technology, they can be a real threat to 1987.

In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said that one of the jobs that prepared her to be president was sliming fish in Alaska. As opposed to Bill, who learned by catching crabs in Cancun.