Marshall B. Rosenberg Quotes - Page 2

In empathy, you don't speak at all. You speak with the eyes. You speak with your body. If you say any words at all, it's because you are not sure you are with the person. So you may say some words. But the words are not empathy. Empathy is when the other person feels the connection with what's alive in you.

Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, people lose their desire to attack back because they can see the human ignorance leading to these attacks; instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships.

At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.

Blaming and punishing others are superficial expressions of anger.

Anger is a signal that you're distracted by judgmental or punitive thinking, and that some precious need of yours is being ignored.

When people hear needs, it provokes compassion. When people hear diagnoses, it provokes defensiveness and attack.

Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person.

Depression is the reward we get for being 'good'.

With empathy, I'm fully with them, not full of them — that's sympathy.

Labeling and diagnosis is a catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after.

I wouldn't expect someone who's been injured to hear my side until they felt that I had fully understood the depth of their pain.

When it comes to giving advice, never do so unless you've first received a request in writing, signed by a lawyer.

Get very clear about the kind of world we would like and then start living that way.

Power-Over leads to punishment and violence. Power-With leads to compassion and understanding, and to learning motivated by reverence for life rather than fear, guilt, shame, or anger.

Conflicts, even of long standing duration, can be resolved if we can just keep the flow of communication going in which people come out of their heads and stop criticizing and analyzing each other, and instead get in touch with their needs, and hear the needs of others, and realize the interdependence that we all have in relation to each other. We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs are fulfilled as well as our own.

Don't hate the circumstance, you may miss the blessing

When our communication supports compassionate giving and receiving, happiness replaces violence and grieving.

Children need far more than basic skills in reading, writing, and math, as important as those might be. Children also need to learn how to think for themselves, how to find meaning in what they learn, and how to work and live together.

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values

I recommend allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before turning our attention to solutions or requests for relief. When we proceed too quickly to what people might be requesting, we may not convey our genuine interest in their feelings and needs; instead, they may get the impression that we're in a hurry to either be free of them or to fix their problem. Furthermore, an initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related - and often more powerful - feelings.

When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.

If we want to be compassionate we must be conscious of the words we use. We must both speak and listen from the heart.

If you think ahead to what to say next - like how to fix it or make the person feel better - BOOM! Off the board. You're into the future. Empathy requires staying with the energy that's here right now. Not using any technique. Just being present. When I have really connected to this energy, it's like I wasn't there. I call this "watching the magic show". In this presence, a very precious energy works through us that can heal anything, and this relieves me from my "fix-it" tendencies.

Fear of punishment diminishes self-esteem and goodwill.