Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: "I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End."
Did evangelical Christians mistake Donald Trump's hairpiece for a halo, while ignoring the obvious signs that he worships Mammon?
Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?
If brevity is the soul of wit then brevity and levity are the whole of it.
Many presidents have believed in God, but Donald Trump evidently believes that he is God.
Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.
It's simply not true that Donald Trump has no experience in foreign affairs. Hell, two of his foreign affairs resulted in marriages!
What do you call a comedian who runs for president? A trump card.
When I was being bullied, I had to learn not to judge myself by the opinions of intolerant morons. Then I felt much better.
It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.
C'm'on lefties! Admit that Trump has been very tough on China. He has been especially tough on Chinese kids who slave away in sweatboxes, making his clothing lines.
What do we get when the Donald exposes his enormous ass? A trump roast.
Donald Trump just announced that if Republicans don't treat him fairly, he will resurrect the Whig party and run as its hair apparent.
Trump's last name is an omen that he'll win the Republican nomination, since "trump" means "triumph." One might suggest that this will constitute the triumph of insanity over reason, except that none of the other Republican candidates make any sense either. Trump just makes them seem less crazy by comparison.
Trump claims he'd be the "best jobs president that God ever created." But isn't his claim to fame firing people?
Rand Paul tried hard to upstage Donald Trump at the first debate, talking tough about his guns and his right not to register them. But with his pixie-ish perm, Paul does not impress me as the gunslinger type. Rand Paul is the RuPaul of politics. He would do better to defend his right to carry an unregistered blow-dryer and curling irons.
If every witty thing that's said was true, Oscar Wilde, the world would worship You!
If God is good half the Bible is libel.
The slogan of the American Civil Rights Movement was "We shall overcome!" Donald Trump's new campaign slogan is "We shall overcomb!"
How can the Bible be "infallible" when from Genesis to Revelation slavery is commanded and condoned, but never condemned?
Donald Trump's hairpiece has reportedly narrowed its list of running partners down to Don King, Kramer, William Shatner, Dolly Parton and Phil Spector, and has no worries about being upstaged.
Hell hath no fury like a frustrated fundamentalist whose God condemned him to "hell" for having "impure thoughts."
Love is either wholly folly, or fully holy.
Even Donald Trump's hairpiece is fed up with his insults and says it now supports Bernie Sanders. When Trump found out, he sobbed
There's no better tonic for other people's bad ideas, than to think for oneself.
