Nick Offerman Quotes

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish and you feed yourself. He's a grown man, fishing's not that hard.

If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt.

Follow your gut, make a choice, and throw yourself into it. If you make a mistake, then you have merely afforded yourself a valuable lesson.

If you want to be happy in life, consider yourself a student. Every day of your life, think: how can I improve?

Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.

Technically, we're all half centaur.

If you always have something in your life that you're trying to improve upon, then every day you have a reason to get out of bed, and you have a reason to achieve something and feel good.

Always maintain the attitude of a student. If you think you've done learning, bitterness sets in, but if you have more to achieve every day, in any arena, that makes each morning's awakening full of potential and cheery portent.

We're cognizant, curious beings, capable of philosophical thought, nuclear physics, repeating Nerf weapons, global consciousness, Glade air fresheners, and sentient automobiles. But we're assholes first.

Really, all religious teachings can be boiled down to: “Just be cool. Don’t be an asshole.

Love one another, make something with your hands, and exalt the farmer.

I have a ridiculously beautiful wife who's super sexy, and as long as she's happy with me, I don't need to look in the mirror and think, "How do I stack up next to Bradley Cooper? Would Cooper rock this shirt?" Doesn't matter. He does not have your wife. You do.

Your dreams are always going to seem much more profound to you then they are to your friend.

If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza.

Once you have a PhD, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor's appointment.

How lucky my life is that I have two arms, and two legs, and ten fingers with which to make things out of wood.

Damn it all, you have been given a life on this beautiful planet! Get off your ass and do something!

Men and women alike, if you think that altering the tip of your nose with surgery will make you happier, I would suggest you alter something much more malleable than your flesh, like your priorities, or your friends.

And what we've lost sight of is that performing manual labor with your hands is one of the most incredibly satisfying and positive things you can do.

If you don't look at yourself and evaluate it, you instead see how the world's reacting to it.

Whatever it is you like to do, that's the sexiest part of you.

Just stand up for your principals and be loyal to your friends and family.

No matter how you decide to spend a little more time on your gestures of giving, the point is just quite simply that you do.

I've had to learn and discipline myself that I'm much happier and much less depressed if I give myself a project. It's just that simple.

It's taken me a lot of years to peel away my own layers.