Norm MacDonald Quotes - Page 6

When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.

I have a little bit of an out-of-body experience where I enjoy the scenario, and I really do like seeing a crowd turn into a mob, and I do nothing to stop it. People can become really dangerous.

Love is an artful arrangement of artless pretensions, whereby we labor to appear innocent in what we desire to be most cunning.

I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead.

I can't be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I'll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.

It is the folly of weak-minded people, to imagine they are what flattery or conceit represents them; and that it is useless for them to be what they are not, since they seem already to have acquired the reputation of it.

This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.

Pulp Fiction is a, uh, gritty, urban satire. Pump Friction is a uh-uh, a bunch of uh, dudes and ladies having dirty sex.

I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.

The character of giving advice often makes us accountable for the conduct of those we advise.

I guess [Richard] Pryor was that good. I never saw him in a theater, but I imagine he was that good, because he was such a phenomenal actor.

A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.

I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't; it was the real audience going crazy after everything that resembled a joke, that they could technically call a joke.

The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

I've been in theaters. Like Brian Regan, who I love - loved him so much more when he did the Improvs. And then in a big theater - nobody's that good.

I don't have to meet actors. I'm really blessed that I don't have to do all that horseshit.

We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.

It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, "How would you like to be a horrible actor?" Then you say, "All right, that sounds good. I'll do that."

There hasn't been an original voice in stand-up since Sam Kinison.

Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.

There's no such thing, of course, as an old-fashioned gay guy. They're the most decadent people.

Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.

If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called 'The George Costanza Show'.

I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on 'Late Night.' We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest.