Quentin Crisp Quotes

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.

I don't think you can really be proud of being gay because it isn't something you've done. You can only be proud of not being ashamed.

Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything outside you want, but whether there is anything inside that you have not yet unpacked.

Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are.

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

Believe in fate, but lean forward where fate can see you.

What would you be like if you were the only person in the world? If you want to be truly happy you must be that person.

If you describe things as better than they are, you are considered to be a romantic; if you describe things as worse than they are, you will be called a realist; and if you describe things exactly as they are, you will be thought of as a satirist.

Fashion is a way of not having to decide who you are. Style is deciding who you are and being able to perpetuate it.

Mainstream people dislike homosexuality because they can't help concentrating on what homosexual men do to one another. And when you contemplate what people do, you think of yourself doing it. And they don't like that. That's the famous joke: I don't like peas, and I'm glad I don't like them, because if I liked them I would eat them and I hate them.

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.

No effort is required to define or even attain happiness, but enormous concentration is needed to abandon everything else.

The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right.

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple: you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

To live in the past is to miss today's opportunities and tomorrow's blessings.

For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook.

Never get involved with someone who wants to change you

It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style.

It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough.

Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police.

To my disappointment I now realized that to know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.

The curiosity of the neighbors about you, is a tribute to your individuality, and you should encourage it