Zach Braff Quotes - Page 10

It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while.

My co-stars aren't bad actors, but they're no Zach Braff.

People often ask me when there's going to be a Mrs. Zach Braff. It's a confusing question sometimes because many people don't realize that my mother is named Mrs. Zach Braff.

I heard about the Dalai Lama, you know and I thought to myself, why not me?

I went to film school and wanted to learn everything there was about making movies.

I mean, some people accuse me of being racist. I'm totally not, I'm just better than everybody else.

I think they're bogus, honestly. How utter garbage like Crash and Million Dollar Baby can win best picture, where true works of art such as Garden State go untouched is beyond me. It just proves how close-minded America really is, and I refuse to take part in it.

In a perfect world, everybody would be gay. I mean if everybody looked like Zach Braff, you just wouldn't be able to resist.

I mean, so what if it's a little dangerous? A one-armed kid is comedy gold.

Being around blind people is always a little frustrating to me because I know they have no idea how handsome I am.

It's funny when I read the tabloids and they're reporting on only a fraction of the life I'm leading.

I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.

Without me, Scrubs would be worse than the holocaust. But with me in it, it's turned into the lolocaust.

Everyone has an idea that they think would be a great movie. Everyone has a cousin who they think you should work with.

You know, I think there should be a Zach Braff Day. We could have it on December 25th and then people can decide whether they want to celebrate me or Jesus. If you ask me, the choice is pretty obvious.

Of course I don't use my A-material, it doesn't matter if they think I'm funny or not because they won't be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift.

I'd never hit a woman unless I was already out of Viagra.

A kid came up to me the other day and said, 'Hey, you're the guy on Scrubs!' Kid, I am Scrubs, and don't you forget it.

I mean, I'm a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man?

For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not really fair to them, but what else can I do, you know?

Well it's not that I HATE them, but honestly if I saw two homeless people begging for money, one white and one black, and I only had one quarter... Well I'd probably keep it actually.

I like to drop in on people who picked on me in high school or whatever, just out of the blue, and chat with them to see how they think of me now that I'm a big star. Usually they're a lot nicer. After about half an hour, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and leave a few DVDs or pictures there. Then when I come out, I say good-bye and leave. Then I call the cops.

I am really driven, but my drive doesn't effect the conversations I have in my head about life, and my worries and fears and insecurities.

I figure it this way - if a woman claims she didn't want me to fudge her, then you already know she's a liar. So what the hell's the point of a trial, y'know?

I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim?