Steve Martin Quotes

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.

Be so good they can't ignore you.

Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.

I cannot smell mothballs because it's so difficult to get their little legs apart.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.

The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.

It's not what you know, it's what you think you know.

How many people have never raised their hand before?

Love is a promise delivered already broken.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

I studied with the Maharishi for many years, and really didn't learn that much. But one thing that he taught me, I'll never forget: 'ALWAYS...' no, wait-- 'NEVER...' no, wait, it was 'ALWAYS carry a litter bag in your car. It doesn't take up much room, and if it gets full, you can toss it out the window.'

I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.