At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter
Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.
People have called me fake, but personally, I don't think I'm fake because I'm so insincere.
When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.
You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.
When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know? I thought, why have a show about doctors when we could have a show about the real heroes, you know, like me?
I really don't give a care, I'm going to live for ever
It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon anyway.
You don't need an alarm clock when you sleep with 20 models a night, one of those broads'll figure out that they better make breakfast in bed or I'll kill all of them.
Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true.
I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me.
Most people just aren't grateful for the lives they have, and it really saddens me. For instance, I said 'hello' to a man the other day, and he didn't even recognize me. It just really saddens me.
I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know?
Yeah, I've banged some female costars. I swore I'd never tell their names, so instead I'll present some anagrams: Sahar Clahke and Haether Gharam.
There's a lot of gray area in the law. Who can say, without a doubt, that I was in the wrong?
I don't know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap symbol as my own so I could park in handicap spots. Deformed people should be honored to park so close to me. Meeting a celebrity like me may give them hope in their mistake of a life.
Complete garbage. It's like Garden State, but in outer space.
I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.
When I was little I always wanted to drive a train. That, and become a baker.
When I think about the holidays, I think about the Salvation Army guys ringing bells in front of stores. They're always so nice to you and they're always willing to give a heart to heart conversation. They actually bear the winter cold to ask for your petty cash with a smile on their face. Fudge those guys.
I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.
People keep asking me whether I'm going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I'm like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was.
Hitler had the right idea. He was just an underachiever.
It really is fascinating stuff, and I've picked it up on Scrubs. Memorizing lines is at least as hard as studying a text book, I mean, by this point I know about as much as most 'real' doctors.
It's really hard to find parts that challenge me as an actor these days. At this point in my career, I feel like I can just sleepwalk through most of my roles and still do a better job than 90 percent of the actors out there.
