Tonight Quotes - Page 6

I'm coming on home to you instead cause they're all too ugly tonight.

As the warden of San Quentin, I presided over four executions. After each one, someone on the staff would ask, 'Is the world safer because of what we did tonight?' We knew the answer: No.

Right, then, mate, terribly sorry for my unspeakable rudeness, and I do beg your pardon. I can only say that it was caused by my natural affront to the notion of her as my sister. Since I'll be shagging her tonight, you can imagine how I'd be distressed at the thought of rogering my sibling" "You shmuck! The only thing you'll be shagging tonight is yourself!" "You wanted sincerity, well, luv, I was sincere.

Luck, be a lady tonight.

Tonight I'm going to listen with my ears.

... but the rain Is full of ghosts tonight

Not for the mighty world. O Lord, tonight, Nations and kingdoms in their fearful might--Let me be glad the kettle gently sings, Let me be grateful for little things.

Jealousy in the air tonight, I could tell. I will never understand that but oh well.

We had 10 turnovers tonight. Each one gets worse as you go. It is like prior arrests: the 10th one may not have been that bad, but when you have had nine prior ones, it looks pretty bad.

Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

It took us a little while, but we swung the bats well tonight.

some men never die and some men never live but we're all alive tonight.

Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show.

I was genuinely starstruck when I met Kermit the Frog. Like many stars here tonight, he's a lot shorter in real life.

There's been someone up here screaming 'Landslide' for the whole show... Normally we don't play 'Landslide,' but on occasion we've been known to play it... So since this person's been screaming it all show long... That just about kills the chances of me playing it tonight, or ever again.

The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight.

Got any excuses tonight Roy?

I don't want to wake up with cops surrounding my bed tonight.

Notwithstanding a mendacious press; notwithstanding a subsidized gang of hirelings who have not ceased to traduce me, I have discharged all my official duties and fulfilled my pledges. And I say here tonight that if my predecessor had lived, the vials of wrath would have poured out upon him.

You're looking exceptionally ugly tonight, Madam, is it because we have company?

I'm gonna catch you with your head down tonight. I'm gonna take it off.

I [Death] was astonished to see him in Baghdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra.

This is The Tonight Show. I can't tell you too much about it, other than the fact that this program is going to go on forever.

You can walk out on me tonight, if you think that it ain't feeling right, but darling, there's no getting over me.