I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages. That's a lot of coloring when you think about it.
I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.
Mama says that, happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you're feeling blue.
You've just got to give yourself time - that's good advice I think. Give yourself time to figure out what you're good at and what you're not good at.
It's important I surround myself with people who make me happy.
It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.
Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.
I immediately said yes for one reason and one reason only....Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks.
I don't know what drives me to succeed. I know I want to always do the best I can. I never was like that as a kid.
Through my films I'm eventually trying to one day tell the truth. I don't know if I'm ever going to get there, but I'm slowly letting pieces of myself out there and then maybe by the time I'm 85, I'll look back and say, 'All right, that about sums it up.
I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in.
I know I want to always do the best I can.
Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.
Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.
I never had a speech from my father 'this is what you must do or shouldn't do' but I just learned to be led by example. My father wasn't perfect.
I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine.
One night I couldn't sleep. It was like 2:00 in the morning. I was thinking, 'What can I do?' I'm watching TV. I'm like, 'Let me do something else.' I'm not going to fall asleep for a few hours. What are my hobbies? There was the masturbation option. I skipped that because just knowing my kids are down the hall I felt psychotic. So, I went with watching more TV. I couldn't come up with anything. I was going, 'God, read a book.' Then I was like this, 'Where do I keep the books?' I've got nothing to do but watch TV.
A lot of critics object to what I do, but I got into comedy to make people laugh, and I've always worked hard.
I say things, like every other parent, that reminds you of your own parents. One thing I do know about being a parent, you understand why your father was in a bad mood a lot.
I wish I was a better athlete. That would have been a little cooler, being a great boxer and walking into a room and going: "I can knock everybody out!" That's a good feeling.
I was raised by a mother who told me I was great every day of my life.
When the kids are laughing in the audience, I tear up, I'm so happy I did a nice thing.
When I was a kid you always heard about the Israeli army and you always heard about this tiny little country and how everyone around them wants them gone, and every time somebody comes after them they take care of business. And so as a Jewish kid you were proud of that.
My buddies, we've always just tried to make each other laugh. I mean, just like all friends hanging out - that's the goal.
My kids don't have a trust fund, they have a debt fund. And when I die, they're $4 million in the hole.
