I'm not an alcoholic, I am freedom fighter against the teetotal taliban.
The American dream? We don't have a dream in Britain because we're bloody awake!
We need a war every 10 years, so we can stay match fit in case the Germans try again.
It's a weight problem isn't it; you can't wait for lunch.
Louis Pasteur, the great scientist, said "chance favours the prepared mind", which is a posh way of saying 'do your homework', but it's an excellent piece of advice.
"The harder you work, the luckier you get" is true in all things.
You can leave a kid alone and it will learn to fend for itself, how to work the remote, a tin opener, and the microwave. I see the holidays as a chance for kids to learn self-sufficiency.
My mum had a cousin that had played when he was younger. When I showed an interest in drumming, he showed me how to mummy-daddy roll and that set me up for a bit. And to be honest, it's all about the sound, the noise, the rattle and hum. Who wouldn't want to make a fantastic noise with drums and cymbals?!
In the world of comedy, there's this: "If it's going badly, get off. If it's going well, get off". You can't argue with that either.
Our cheeky sidekick. We're like a motorcycle and sidecar.
PimpCo is a little business I've got, which basically offers drummers the affordable opportunity to make their drums that little bit more bespoke. I love drums and love how they look, so we offer re-wrapping to reboot your old kit, a hardware lacquering service - the black looks amazing, and bespoke snare drums.
Thanks to the internet, I buy lots of music, but thanks to my easily distracted nature, I forget about half of it!
Things inspiring me - good melody, a great bass line, a fabulous voice... by which I mean someone who sounds great, rather than does pyrotechnics... and people playing really musically. Music is endlessly fascinating.
Actually, when you're doing something you love, even when you're busy and it's hectic you don't feel the need to relax. I never used to take holidays and it would upset ex-wives and girlfriends, but working has me in a better mood than doing nothing.
I'm a natural born show off. I love performing, and at school we had a really good music scene and an even better drama scene. When I got to university, I played in bands and did sketch stuff and it was always about coming up with material, which is why I never really practised and have no chops!! When I left uni, I carried on playing and trying out at stand-up.
I love playing. In lots of ways, I think having been able to carry on playing purely out of love rather than having to do it for a living means I still love the drums. It helps that, if I don't want to play, I don't really have to! I'm not the best drummer in the world, but it's something I love and enjoy, and that sounds like a good trade.
I read a lot. I spend of lot time thinking. It actually looks like I'm doing nothing, but... hanging out with clever and interesting people is a must if you're writing comedy, like hanging out with a good bass player when you're a drummer.
The thing that interests me far more than anything is creating music, songwriting and arranging, and in that context drumming itself is a means to an end. I think it's really easy to forget that - I'd sooner play something musical than flash, and as I can't play anything flash, I try to be musical. Drums can set a mood, create an impression, as much as anything else.
Seriously, if you want to get inside the head of a stand-up comic, you could do a lot worse than reading Steve Martin's Born Standing Up, all about how he developed his career and his creativity as a comedian. Lots of what he talks about is relevant to anyone in the creative arts - you find yourself, your voice, your technique and then maybe luck calls.
