Andy Rooney Quotes - Page 3

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off

All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don't know what they're talking about.

Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.

Age is nothing but experience, and some of us are more experienced than others

I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does.

The fastest thing computers do is go obsolete.

I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.

In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.

I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.

A cat's idea of a 'good time' is to kill something.

Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.

I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?". She doesn't care what you think.

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.

Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be.

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.

I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.