Andy Rooney Quotes - Page 5

I've learned... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

... all of us talk faster than we listen.

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?

I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.

Conservatives are more religious than liberals--although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it.

Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me?"

Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?

Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.

It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.

I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

In the United States alone, we spend seven times as much on war as on education. There's something wrong there. On this Memorial Day, we should certainly honor those who have died at war, but we should dedicate this day, not so much to their memory, but to the search for a way to end the idiocy of the wars that killed them.

I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?

If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

Familiar things are a comfort to us all.

Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.

The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We're living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it.

A little-recognized value of listening and inquiring relates to the realization that in human relationships, it is frequently not what the I've learned ... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances: when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

Walking is good for the soul.

No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.

The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way.

If you do see me in a restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.