Andy Rooney Quotes - Page 4

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned... that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

Republicans ... are conservatives who think it would be best if we faced the fact that people are no damned good. They think that if we admit that we have selfish, acquisitive natures and then set out to get all we can for ourselves by working hard for it, that things will be better for everyone. They are not insensitive to the poor, but tend to think the poor are impoverished because they won't work. They think there would be fewer of them to feel sorry for if the government did not encourage the proliferation of the least fit among us with welfare programs.

There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties.

If I'd known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can't remember a single project I would have started.

It isn't working that's so hard, it's getting ready to work.

Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.

I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.

Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he's written that can't be read aloud easily.

We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

I understand shipping - you have to expect to pay for the stamps or for the freight company - but what's this handling they always have? How much does handling cost, anyway? I don't want a lot of people handling something I'm going to buy before I get it. How much would it cost if you didn't handle it before you sent it to me?

Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.

If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.

People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.

One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.

Those of us who don't have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading "Confused.

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.

You can't be a good writer without being a good thinker.

Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.