Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
I'm pretty sure whoever said, people are wonderful spent very little time with people.
I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.
Whenever I'm around people it causes me to feel nostalgic for the loneliness that drove me into their presence in the first place.
Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.
I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of.
Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.
If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.
Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.
Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.
A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.
TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.
