Dov Davidoff Quotes - Page 8

Few things are more negative than thinking positive for no reason.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.

Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect.

Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses.

Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.

I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.

Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.

I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.

Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.